I’m writing this right after my last post because it’s always on my mind, but a totally different mindset than the previous post.
I am 22 years old and I just got my license less than two weeks ago. This is because driving has always seemed like an incredibly complex and daunting task to take on. You’re in control of a two ton piece of metal that is hurling itself at speeds of over 60 miles per hour. Not only that, there are hundreds around you doing the same thing. You constantly hear about all the stupid people in the world and how they’re incapable of doing this or that job. So how is that virtually everyone learns how to drive? It really just blows my mind. I am not meaning to brag, but by some standards, people consider me smart, but I am terrified of driving. I really would not want to if it was not basically a necessity. The freedom and the control of driving feels nice but the complexity is just overwhelming.
I’m getting sad about what happened earlier again so I guess I’m done for now.
Today, I had my first car incident. Luckily, it didn’t involve any other people and wasn’t even a collision. I backed my passenger side fender panel into something and it has left a sad, sad dent in my car. I am so annoyed and angry with myself because of course, it could have been easily avoided just by being a little more careful while backing out.. but I guess that’s how all accidents happen.
For the rest of the day, I was so distraught and frazzled that I could have definitely gotten into a more substantial car accident. I kept veering to the right while driving. I understand the strong urge to text while driving now. Before, I thought.. of course I’m not going to text while I’m driving. There’s something about driving alone and really concentrating that makes you want to have some social interaction in the meantime. Maybe that’s just me, but that’s how I feel. Maybe I’m looking for a reminder that I have people to talk to while I’m driving alone among all the strangers.
Whoa, tangent. Anyway, I finally called my mom and let her know and she took it surprisingly well. She said that my dad and her will take care of it and to just be careful. I’m really worried that my mom is underestimating the damage done (which isn’t much, I guess) and will be horrified when she finally sees it. I hate this lack of experience that I have that makes me feel so totally helpless and clueless. It is coupled with my insecurity of my family thinking that I am in fact, helpless and clueless. I have such a Napoleon complex and I am always wanting to prove myself, or in the very least, not disprove myself.
I really just keep thinking about how I should have done this, or I should have done that. I have to remind myself there is no use looking in the past. Hindsight is most certainly 20/20 and all I can do now is be rational and sensible from here on out.